He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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