how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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