the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize