That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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