How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
