we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
