dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
