At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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