i don't plan on having that self control this summer
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
