I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
