i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I haven't been this sober since birth.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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