The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
