so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
