Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize