I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
