so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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