Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
