It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
