I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
