I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize