Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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