i think i have two assholes
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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