Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
