I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
