I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
