Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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