I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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