what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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