Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
