There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Randomize
