Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
