apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
