my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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