please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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