My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
