Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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