waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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