I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
