It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
