Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize