She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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