She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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