smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize