why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
