your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
