we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
