Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You are a booty call, not a friend.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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