You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She just used a chaser for red wine.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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