My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I am naked and annoyed.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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