i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Someone came in the potted fern
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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