i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize