So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Randomize
