Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
So many bounce houses so little time
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
