I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So much rum. So many feels.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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