I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
