there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
