The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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