oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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