The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
