he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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