bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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