Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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