I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
