I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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