they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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