turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
