I just threw up on my dentist
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
