I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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