sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
you made out with another girl for some wings
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