Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
