everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
