I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
